Category Archives: Uncategorized

1/25/14

I’m dictating this post to Siri because I’m driving more hours than I can count today, so forgive any typos or anything that doesn’t make any sense.

Life is erratic and unpredictable.

Or maybe I’m just erratic and unpredictable.

Either way things are in flux but I’m doing okay. I don’t feel like I’m crumbling and, driving right now on this particular four hour stretch, I can’t help but just laugh and be totally in love with punk rock.

First it was “Heterosexual Lion” by Vacation, then it was “Barren” by The Credentials.

Does it get any better than this?

I wonder how many hours it’ll be until I’m contemplating suicide again…

Who cares? I’m not going anywhere

Status Update: December 7, 2013

I’m sick again. Started Thursday morning. Lacking ability to form coherent thoughts or energy/will to try and put together a real update. In the midst of this snotty haze, I have started two new paintings though so – hopefully – I’ll have some wacky fever-fueled nonsense to share by the time I come out of it.

In the meantime, I could post more updates like Thursday’s but I’m not sure I’ve even got the capacity to discern quality from garbage right now so…

We’ll see…

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Here’s a note that I dropped in with a package in October. It was written on the back of a small print that was on the wrong kind of paper stock.

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Whatevermind II (Pinkhairdontcare)

"Pinkhairdontcare." 5/12/13. Pen. 8x10".
“Whatevermind II (Pinkhairdontcare).” 5/12/13. Pen. 8×10″.

I shipped out the inserts for Rational Anthem’s Whatevermind LP this morning. Pictured above is the art that I made for those after I decided that my first attempt didn’t quite match the themes of the album.  The band should have the records for sale in time for Pre-Fest next week). “Pinkhairdontcare” is what some little girl nicknamed me while I was filming “No Real Than You Are” (or so I’m told). It was also the caption Van used when he posted his portrait of me on Facebook. My character wears a Rational Anthem shirt in most of his scenes so… – seems like an appropriate title.

Portrait by Van Jazmin.
Portrait by Van Jazmin.

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underwear_that_is_orangeToday’s been really pleasant. After the post office, I came back home to find a package from a friend, waiting by my door. Aside from the book and the “underwear that is orange,” it had a really nice card/letter. I also got a check in the mail and (now that my bank finally has a branch in this city) I was able to go deposit it. As you could probably tell from my newest painting, financial panic was starting to set in these last couple days. Yesterday, were I to set aside the money I’d need to pay my bills on the first of the month, I’d only have had five dollars to spare. And yet, one day later, I have enough of a cushion that I should be okay. I definitely still need to figure out some ways to branch out and sell more artwork because my current “situation” definitely isn’t sustainable but  I think things are gonna be alright (even if I don’t have any evidence to support that proposition!)

(I came up with an idea last night – something I’m planning on ending my entries with… While some people might find it objectionable, I’ve given it some thought and I’m comfortable with it. It won’t change the fact that I still need to “branch out” and reach a bigger audience, but it does have some potential to help facilitate that).

But anyway, riding around town, running errands – the weather’s nice, people are nice (they smile at me) – life is good. I was listening to Against Me! and it occurred to me that their strongest material is probably the stuff they recorded for Fat, which happens to be the period in which I paid them the least attention.

For example, is there any better sentence fragment than “…if this is how I communicate and demonstrate a love of life…” – from “T.S.R. (This Shit Rules)?”

And while I think their weakest releases (outside of the really early demos) are New Wave and (to a lesser extent) White Crosses, there are a handful of really strong songs there. I remember when WC came out, Taylor fucking hated whenever I’d listen to “Bamboo Bones,” mostly on account of the lyric, “what God doesn’t give to you, you’ve got to go and get for yourself.” I found it amusing – not because I wasn’t equally put off by all things even remotely religious or spiritual at the time – just because it was so against the grain. (I like anything that fucks with people just a little bit). It’s kind of brave in that sense: to sing about “God,” in that way, in a band with an audience like Against Me!’s. I don’t know what meaning the songwriter attaches to the word but, when you throw something that vague (and bold) into the world, you can bet it’s gonna be spun all kindsa ways by all kindsa people. Today, I like that lyric a lot.

I don’t really use the word “God” these days but, in the short period in which I was, I liked it. I might not have had the same meaning for it as anyone I spoke to, but it connected me with people that I don’t usually connect with – in a way that I don’t usually connect with anyone. And like today, it just felt nice. Pleasant.

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Walgreens is Dicks; I’m Irresponsible

"Walgreens is Dicks; I'm Irresponsible." 10/11/13. Tempera, oil pastels, collage. 6⅔x8⅔".
“Walgreens is Dicks; I’m Irresponsible.” 10/11/13. Tempera, oil pastels, collage. 6⅔x8⅔”.

I don’t have anything written for today but it’s midnight and I’m gonna hate myself if I don’t keep my promise (mostly to myself) of “new content everyday.” And I DID make a new piece today so even without a statement, this is still something (piss poor as it may be on its own).

I pulled over to the side of the road to make this update. I’ll round it out later with the story. And I also have a couple really strong updates planned, but obviously this isn’t the moment for them. Hopefully, I’ll do better tomorrow. Life is busy/hectic sometimes. That’s no excuse but it’s at least a bit of an explanation.

I’m a little disappointed with myself but this is at least something. Whether or not that’s actually worth anything…

Eat Gummy Worms and Smoke Crack With Someone Who Appreciates You

"Eat Gummy Worms and Smoke Crack With Someone Who Appreciates You." 1/7/13. Pen. 8½x11.
“Eat Gummy Worms and Smoke Crack With Someone Who Appreciates You.” 1/7/13. Pen. 8½x11.

When I was in pre-school, my dad once asked my teacher, “Racey brings home art almost everyday – why doesn’t Sam ever bring anything home?”

“Because it doesn’t turn out the way he wants it to, so he crumples it up, throws it away, and then stares at the floor sulking until art time is over.”

Forget about art and pre-school – that’s kind of how I lived my entire life until recently.

I drew this one day in January back when I was still inpatient at Tranquil Shores. (It wasn’t an art group but I’m like – totally rebellious, you guys). It started out as a drawing for my friend Nick but – after I fucked it up – I let it become something else. (Pen isn’t a very forgiving medium). I’m glad that I have the capacity these days to accept my mistakes as normative. (They’re not really mistakes; they were supposed to happen). And this too works as an analogy for my life. I’ve fucked up plenty, even in this last year, but I accept all of it now. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

The caption is the same as the title: EAT GUMMY WORMS AND SMOKE CRACK WITH SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES YOU.

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Daily status update: My first Artwalk tonight went really well. Jacksonville may not be the ARTS CAPITAL of the world, but I’m really grateful that we’ve got something like this that happens every month. Looking forward to round two in November. (It’ll be just two days after my birthday)!

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Asides