Tag Archives: relationships

Carbondale tonight!

Running late on our way to Carbondale. The show tonight is with Future Virgins, The Heat Tape, and Hate Waves. 9 pm at Ski Haus. I think.

Traded art with Evan Wolff last night. I’m afraid to hang his print in my living room ’cause more people will comment on how cool it is than any of my things that hang in there. I might have to put it in the bedroom. Then again, it could be good for me. I can always use a little more humility. I also started a trade with Brett Hunter. He took my “I Don’t Go Out Much” cartoon and is gonna bring me something in trade for it tonight, so i’m really excited for that now too. (Show+trade with Brett+pizza place Zack’s talking about=high hopes for Carbondale). Punk rock is still awesome.

The van is shaky and I’m unusually tired, but I have a new piece to share later. It’s been a strange morning. We almost had to sacrifice a body to the tour monsters and – since the band is kind of necessary to the whole playing shows thing – it would’ve been either Zack or I. We were both willing to do whatever, but things shook out in such a way that we’re both still here.

When I’m not driving, I tend to sit in back, but I’m riding shotgun right now with Chris driving. It’s not too hot out, we’re listening to Ramshackle Glory singing, “I always wanted to die young, now I feel younger every day,” and life is kinda nice.

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Hard Feelings

"Hard Feelings." 2/16/13. Acrylic, fabric dye, pen, marker, on cardboard. 9x20".

“Hard Feelings.” 2/16/13. Acrylic, fabric dye, pen, marker, on cardboard. 9×20″.

The tenth and final painting in my series, “The Weak End,” says: “When I think about hurting you, I get really excited.” People always think thatt’s an expression of anger, directed at someone I don’t like. Which couldn’t be more wrong. The title, “Hard Feelings,” is an allusion to a Radon lyric: “The only hard feelings that I’ve got are in my front pocket.”

Some of us are sicker than others. I’m cool with it.

If I can be sincere for just one second though, I used to think there was something wrong with me. Punk rock taught me that traditional gender roles and power dynamics are totally fucked and I let that influence my attitudes and behavior, even in the bedroom, for a long time. When it comes to sex though, I don’t feel guilty anymore about what I’m into and what I want to do. I’m still figuring it out and I might find a “line” at some point but (thus far) the more freely I feel able to express myself sexually, the better the outcome seems to be.

And no one’s even been seriously injured yet! So… you know… that seems like a good thing too.

I’m still a little uncomfortable talking about sex – well, when I’m talking to the fucking internet anyway. But I’m getting better. I mean, wrote this much, right?

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Status update: Tour’s been a lot of fun so far. En route to Minneapolis right now, running late of course, but I’m not stressed about it.

Got to hang out last night with the St. Louis crew. Saw The Humanoids play for the first time and got a copy of their LP, which was – at one point – slated to be on Traffic Street. After the show, Noelle and company drove to Iowa. Pete, Chris, and I stuck around. Hung out at Darren’s bar then stayed over at Shaun’s house, where he and I explained to Chris that Blink 182 and Fleetwood Mac aren’t punk bands.

I could go on, but this stuff’s not of any tremendous significance. What matters is that it’s good and that I’m happy and grateful to be where I’m at, with the people I’m with. Old friends and new friends. Looking forward to a lot more of that tonight and in the days to come.

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“The Weak End” is a series of ten paintings: