5/4/14

So far, so good but – for what it’s worth – I’m still feeling pretty “relapsy.”

On the one hand, I’ve been dealing with some pretty fucked up shit lately. On the other, I don’t *feel* especially sad or desperate or anything like that… So – while I’d *like to say* that – none of it’s really getting to me, it’s kind of hard to buy into that when (in the same breath) I’m also acknowledging this impulse that keeps firing off in my brain.

I’m not about to go out of my way to get heroin but I’m back in that place (mentally) where – should I run into the wrong person/situation – I’d probably make one of my less intelligent decisions.

Which is pretty dumb considering how well everything’s been going! I mean – shit – I’m virtually a POSTER CHILD for “turning it around” and building a new life (after heroin).

And yet – here I am – in my head, debating whether or not it’d be okay to shoot up again. (It’s kind of embarrassing). Then again, I’ll bet everyone (that’s kinda like me) has thoughts like these sometimes. They probably just don’t share them on THE INTERNET. ‘Cause – you know – EMBARRASSING. I’m supposed to be more stable (at least so far as drugs are concerned) at this point.

*Although*, maybe the fact that I’m writing this right now instead of [um] GOING OUT AND GETTING HIGH is proof that I *am* pretty stable.

So… um… you know… just putting that out there.

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Here’s a picture I took this week. The painting I’ve been working on and a friend I’ve been kicking around with.