I’m trying to do this art fair today but I’m sold out of a majority of my prints (and virtually all of my best/favorite ones). And I kind of forgot that no print shops are open today and now I kind of want to put a knife in my head.
BUT they were all closed anyway since Friday afternoon and that’s when I even found out about this thing. SO it’s hard to be too angry with myself… And my life is … pretty great so…
I guess this is how this shit’s supposed to go today. Still can’t help but feel a little off but – fuck it – time to move. Ready or not, fingers crossed that these downtown motherfuckers don’t just scurry me off (as an unlicensed vendor).
I thought I’d finally be waking up in Jacksonville today. Didn’t happen! And now… back to Sarasota for two days. There’s some arts fair that I’m gonna try ‘n thrash. Find me, give me praise and money, I’ll give you a print and a hug. Commerce!
I live in a van. I wake up in random cities and no one ever knows where to find me. It’d be really easy for me to slip up and shoot heroin. AND YET…
Here I am, freshly scrubbed, walking downtown Gainesville in clean clothes, eatin’ cookies, listening to Assorted Jellybeans, gettin’ a cup of coffee before I attempt to crash into some art galleries.
Of all the things that could have gone wrong, “the trunk tied to the roof of the van coming loose and smashing into eight million pieces” is far from the worst. Those things that were less than completely destroyed have been collected from the side of I-75 and put inside.
I don’t know where I’ll sleep tonight or wake up tomorrow. I couldn’t even attempt to guess where I’ll be in a month. Life is uncertain and scary (sometimes). I just used “frozen yogurt” body wash and that’s really, really funny.
I’ve got six or seven hours to drive today. I’ve got more friends than I can count. There are a lotta people out there that love me and a lot of people that I’ve got warm, fuzzy feelings for that (I think) approximate (or
maybe even are) that same kind of love.
Hey, Jacksonville – if I’ve been sayin’ I’ll hit you up when I get back, that day’s right around the corner. I been gone so long but I’m coming “home” and it’ll be at least two weeks before I bail “for good” and move on to whatever’s waiting for me outside of Florida.
Check me out – talkin’ like I’ve got a clue! Making a “plan!” As if things have ever worked out as I thought they would.
Here’s what I do know: (1) I’ve got so many stories, dark/light, beautiful/fucked up, egocentric, and otherwise from this last month or so that I’m really excited to get back to writing (publicly) real soon. (2) I got a bunch of new art to compliment and round up all my stories. (3) Some of this shit’s gonna make people feel weird, some is gonna make me uncomfortable, but I’m committed to being honest about what I’ve recently been up to, experienced, and how I’ve felt about it. (4) Chris Hembrough is the best friend I could ask for and I wish I could take him with me. Spillane too (OBVIOUSLY) but I’ve gotten to connect with Hemmy in such an outstanding, positive way this last month.
Yesterday, there was a tragedy. I’m not gonna get into it just yet but I wanna say this: we didn’t need a tragedy for me to be writing this way. It’s been on my mind for two weeks already and while there were some beautiful moments in the aftermath of the accident, there were plenty more, long before anything went wrong and even in between the time of the crash and the time it came to light. So as fucked up as it strikes me to describe it as at all “natural” or “good,” it felt very much like a natural extension of everything that’s been happening. And I think it was good for both of us, at least insofar as the roles that it lead us into. It also prolonged my stay in the area for one extra day. Now that I’m off, we’ve both got our own adventures and trials ahead of us. I’m pretty confident that we’ll both be kicking the shit out of them.
Death and loss feel surreal sometimes, we can feel the pain of the people we love almost as intensely as our own. I’m not sure what I’m getting at so I’m gonna stop until I can take the time to process and write about everything that’s been 2014 so far, in a less stream-of-consciousness kinda way…
We live on quite a planet. Let’s celebrate.
“Don’t know if I can keep up but I try god dammit.”
Here’s the drum head I made for Rational Anthem. Adapted from my painting, “Autobiography.” (It’ll also be featured on all of their summer merch and their new record cover; more on that later though).
Life is scary. I’m sticking around ’cause I have an appointment to sell a painting on Wednesday. In the meantime, I feel static. How am I supposed to be spending my time? Why is this suddenly a question?
I had a meeting at a gallery today. I got some cards printed. I painted for four hours. I sold a print. I got paid for merch design I did over the weekend. But I feel unproductive because I’m not “moving forward.” What does that even mean?
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I finished this drawing last month; it’s on a page torn out of my Narcotics Anonymous text.
