11/8/14 status update

November 8, 2014

I’ve neglected my blog for so long that it’s hard to know where to start. While anyone who follows me on Facebook is pretty up to date with the gruesome details of what’s going on in my life, here’s the gist of it for anyone who’s not up to speed:

  • I moved in with a girl in Chicago in July. We broke up in August.
  • A day and a half later, I started seeing another girl in Chicago. That lasted three months, until Thursday, when I finally left.
  • I love the girl but the relationship was incredibly dysfunctional and it had me more fucked up, twisted around, confused, depressed, anxious, and suicidal than I’ve been since December 2012.
  • While I’ve neglected writing the statements for my artwork, I’ve still been actively creating new pieces. The lack of updates can be accounted for by (1) not having had the new pieces photographed yet, (2) not having their statements written, and (3) the fact that these new pieces are HUGE and the last two have each taken more than a month to complete.
  • My charges are still pending and still stressing me out but I’m still (sort of) optimistic that some kind of a resolution can be reached – or at least resigned to accept the punishment that’s being offered as part of the plea deal that’s currently on the table.
  • As the weather got colder in Chicago, I saw a dramatic decrease in my print sales when I’d go downtown to set up, paint, and sell. Consequently, my income this last month is lower than it’s been since January, which is stressing me out but not killing me.
  • I desperately needed to get out of Chicago to escape my shitty relationship, so I’m in St. Louis now. On November 22nd, I’ll go to Minneapolis for the Rivethead reunion. On November 24th, I’ll return to Normal/Bloomington, IL for my next court date. From there, I’m not sure what I’ll do but if I have to accept the plea deal, I’ll be put on two years probation and will need to choose a state to serve it out in, since my movement will be restricted and I’ll have to be physically present for monthly check-ups. My art career would warrant that I choose either New York or California but I would probably have to choose Florida for the sake of my mental health, as that’s where I’ve got the most emotional support. In theory, I would be able to apply for travel permits to leave the state for my “job” (for example, to go to Minneapolis for my exhibition in March).
  • When I left Chicago on Thursday, I left without Chris Spillane. It was six months ago that I petitioned the court to have him picked up by police and put into detox and six months since I picked him up from detox and brought him out on the road with me. He now has six months clean, a job, a place to live, and everything else that could be reasonably expected of relatively well-balanced kid of our ilk. When I return to Illinois for my court date at the end of the month, he’ll have the option to rejoin me but I suspect that he’s gonna keep on in Chicago, building up his new life.
  • In September, I started seeing a psychiatrist in Chicago. In October, she put me back on antipsychotic and antidepressant medications (in addition to the Adderall that I’ve been on for ten years). The last time I was on antidepressants was as an inpatient at Tranquil Shores in February 2013. The last time I was on antipsychotics was (I think) as an inpatient at the Wellness Resource Center in February 2012, though I almost went back on them in January 2013.
  • In addition to the psychiatrist in Chicago, I’ve also started meeting once weekly (via Skype or Facetime) with Tracy, my counselor from Tranquil Shores.
  • Anxiety and depression destroyed my appetite the last month or so and I’m skinnier than I’ve been in at least twelve years. That’s good because I have body dysmorphic disorder and being this thin makes me feel good about myself. It’s bad ’cause… I don’t know… ’cause people say it’s bad…?

1182014

I have no idea how this all comes across as a whole but here’s what I think should be the important point to take away from it all: October was a bad month but – here, in St. Louis – I am safe, and cared for, and feeling eight million times better. I am no longer suicidally depressed and though I am afraid of what will happen once I leave St. Louis in two weeks, I am okay and I am once again grateful.

I’m going to spend the day with my current work-in-progress, possibly do some layout work for a new flier or work on written statements for finished pieces, and – tonight – I’m going to go downtown to see Rational Anthem play with The Copyrights and The Murderburgers.

If you wanna buy some art right now, that’d be pretty great.

Bleed Blue / last week / Chicago now

July 11, 2014

"Bleed Blue Tattoo." 7/5/14. Ink. 11x14".
“Bleed Blue Tattoo.” 7/5/14. Ink. 11×14″.

With all the tattooing I’ve been doing myself lately, it kind of makes sense that I’d do some work for an actual tattoo shop. (Or maybe not?) In any case, this commission came in two nights before my own tattoo career started. On my way to Minneapolis for Cleveland Bound Death Sentence, I stopped in Lexington. My buddy, Chris, works for Bleed Blue Tattoo and, while we were there, I met the shop’s owner, Tommy. Being the self-promoting little fuckshit that I am, I (of course!) told him about my artwork.  He was cool enough to  commission me to design a shirt for Bleed Blue right then and there. He was also cool enough to tell me I could do whatever I wanted – so I did, right down to the sort of overly-personal text that I put in virtually all of my pieces. The only real guideline I gave myself was a limited color palette since  I knew that – when it comes to silkscreens – more colors means higher printing costs.

The text says: “I am an anxious mess of a human being but I’ve got high hopes once Mercury’s no longer in retrograde. Maybe I’ll start getting laid again.” I wrote that the night I started the piece in St. Louis. By the time I finished it a couple days later in Minneapolis, Mercury was no longer in retrograde and I had started getting laid again. Isn’t it nice when stories have a happy ending?

As if all that weren’t great enough, check out the week I just had, selling and making art at punk shows around the midwest:

June 29: Lexington, KY w/ Rational Anthem.
June 30: Cincinnati, OH w/ Masked Intruder, The Dopamines, Direct Hit!, and The Priceduifkes.
July 1: Bloomington, IN w/ Rational Anthem and The Razor Ramones.
July 2: St. Louis w/ Masked Intruder, The Humanoids, Direct Hit!, and The Priceduifkes.
July 3: Madison, WI w/ The Transgressions, Rational Anthem, Lipstick Homicide, and Spruce Bringsteen.
July 4: Minneapolis, MN w/ Dillinger Four, The Brokedowns, Masked Intruder, Direct Hit!, The Priceduifkes, and Canadian Rifle.
July 5: Minneapolis, w/ Dillinger Four and Night Birds.

Anyway, for now, I’m in Chicago (where I’ll probably remain for most of the summer). Then again, have I ever stuck with a plan? Either way, shit’s cool right now and I’m excited about everything I’ve got in the works. And I’ve got a bunch of new pieces that I’ll add to the site soon so… Cool.

Here are some tunes from some of the bands that have been rad enough to host me lately:


“25 to Life” by Masked Intruder


“Thinkin’ ‘Bout Ya” by Rational Anthem


“Snickers or Reese’s” by Direct Hit!


“Captain, We’re Drinking” by The Priceduifkes


Music video for “Wizard Symptoms” by The Brokedowns


“Like Sprewells on a Wheelchair” by Dillinger Four


“Moody’s Point” by Lipstick Homicide


“Wasteoid” (originally by The Transgressions but performed here) by Spruce Bringsteen (that’s a two in one)!

Tour photos / wrap up

August 21, 2013

After the show in Valdosta (which was just Rational Anthem and Johnathan Coody of Ninja Gun), I drove the van back to my place in Jacksonville, where we spent the night. The rest of the crew left around noon and I’ve spent the day kind of catching up around here. Did some yardwork, started to replace the blurry images (in all of my posts made from the road) with high-res ones. I should have that done by tomorrow, at which point I’ll also add them all to the Gallery page.

I don’t take a lot of photos, but here’s what I got.

The floor of the van. We are children.
The floor of the van. We are children.
This firework had no fuse, but I figured if we enveloped the whole thing in fire, that ought to do the trick. Zack gathered up some junk mail and made it happen.
This firework had no fuse, but I figured if we enveloped the whole thing in fire, that ought to do the trick. Zack gathered up some junk mail and made it happen.
Here's the aftermath. We set it off underneath an awning in front of a business, rather than in the street. Because we're real smart guys.
Here’s the aftermath. We set it off underneath an awning in front of a business, rather than in the street. Because we’re real smart guys.
Lipstick Homicide's front porch. I just really like that skateboard.
Lipstick Homicide’s front porch. I just really like that skateboard.
I was pretty bummed when my huge Evan Wolff poster got thrown out when I got evicted (while in rehab) in December 2011. Evan's playing in Tight Bros now though, so I saw him all weekend and he traded me a new poster for an "I Can't Compete With Harry Potter" print.
I used to have a different one until it got thrown out while I was away in rehab in December 2011. Evan‘s playing in Tight Bros now though, so I saw him all weekend and he traded me a *new* poster for an “I Can’t Compete With Harry Potter” print.
I lucked into two awesome trades in one night. Brett didn't have anything on him in Des Moines, but The Heat Tape were on the Carbondale show, so I let him snag my "I Don't Go Out Much" cartoon in Iowa and he brought me these the next night in Illinois.
Two rad trades in one night. Brett didn’t have anything with him in Des Moines (where Rational played with The Copyrights), but The Heat Tape were on the bill in Carbondale, so I let him snag my “I Don’t Go Out Much” cartoon in Iowa and he brought me these the next night in Illinois. (Going on tour / punk rock is awesome).
St. Louis.
Driving into St. Louis.
I was down the street from the Triple Rock (not especially dressed) when Mike Cranberry walked up with a ridiculous leather jacket and told me to try it on. Because I didn't look like enough of a creep to begin with.
I was down the street from the Triple Rock (not especially dressed) when Mike Cranberry walked up with a ridiculous leather jacket and told me to try it on. Because I didn’t look like enough of a creep to begin with.

I guess that’s it for now. But speaking of Mike…

And if you’re tired of my nonsense, those links in the photo captions will take you to Brett and Evan’s websites, which both have a bunch of their art online.

More tomorrow!

Hard Feelings

August 15, 2013

"Hard Feelings." 2/16/13. Acrylic, fabric dye, pen, marker, on cardboard. 9x20".

“Hard Feelings.” 2/16/13. Acrylic, fabric dye, pen, marker, on cardboard. 9×20″.

The tenth and final painting in my series, “The Weak End,” says: “When I think about hurting you, I get really excited.” People always think thatt’s an expression of anger, directed at someone I don’t like. Which couldn’t be more wrong. The title, “Hard Feelings,” is an allusion to a Radon lyric: “The only hard feelings that I’ve got are in my front pocket.”

Some of us are sicker than others. I’m cool with it.

If I can be sincere for just one second though, I used to think there was something wrong with me. Punk rock taught me that traditional gender roles and power dynamics are totally fucked and I let that influence my attitudes and behavior, even in the bedroom, for a long time. When it comes to sex though, I don’t feel guilty anymore about what I’m into and what I want to do. I’m still figuring it out and I might find a “line” at some point but (thus far) the more freely I feel able to express myself sexually, the better the outcome seems to be.

And no one’s even been seriously injured yet! So… you know… that seems like a good thing too.

I’m still a little uncomfortable talking about sex – well, when I’m talking to the fucking internet anyway. But I’m getting better. I mean, wrote this much, right?

—–

Status update: Tour’s been a lot of fun so far. En route to Minneapolis right now, running late of course, but I’m not stressed about it.

Got to hang out last night with the St. Louis crew. Saw The Humanoids play for the first time and got a copy of their LP, which was – at one point – slated to be on Traffic Street. After the show, Noelle and company drove to Iowa. Pete, Chris, and I stuck around. Hung out at Darren’s bar then stayed over at Shaun’s house, where he and I explained to Chris that Blink 182 and Fleetwood Mac aren’t punk bands.

I could go on, but this stuff’s not of any tremendous significance. What matters is that it’s good and that I’m happy and grateful to be where I’m at, with the people I’m with. Old friends and new friends. Looking forward to a lot more of that tonight and in the days to come.

—–

“The Weak End” is a series of ten paintings:

Lost in St. Louis (and I’m Not Even There Yet)

August 14, 2013

Every thing’s been great so far. Got to see Stewart in Atlanta last night. I’m really excited to watch The Humanoids play tonight. We’ve got no A/C in the van, but it’s not even hot out. I was in St. Louis this time last year and it was devastatingly hot; this is definitely a welcome surprise.
I feel like I’m reaching. Writing about stuff just to write.

Okay, so if I wanna get honest about what’s on my mind…. There’s definitely something (relating to my being in St. Louis at this time last year) but I don’t know if I’m comfortable talking about it here. Which bums me out, but – reality is that – the things I write here can have consequences. Both positive and negative. And I’m afraid to express what I don’t really understand and don’t have much of a handle on in the first place.

To put it as bluntly and stripped of fear as I can, there’s a couple here who have at different times, to varying degrees, treated me like a son. And I feel about them the way a person should feel about parental sorts of figures. And I’d like to see them, but it’s not really convenient (or maybe even possible) and I’m afraid to reach out because I don’t know that they’d wanna see me anyway. And there’s someone else who I’m not sure whether or not I want to see, but who (much more likely than not) it’d probably be a bad idea for me to see at this point.

All of that was really hard for me to write and I’m just gonna leave it alone / leave it at that.

I have a lot of weird / conflicting feelings about this city. A lot of weird / conflicting memories.

I used to buy needles from a furniture store on MLK, just off Kingshighway. That’s not important, it’s just absurd.

I just finished this. It’s a meditation of sorts – done entirely in the van today.

"Lost in St. Louis (and I'm Not Even There Yet)." 8/14/13. Marker and pen. 8.5x11".
“Lost in St. Louis (and I’m Not Even There Yet).” 8/14/13. Marker and pen. 8.5×11″.

Info for this week’s shows (part 1)

August 13, 2013

On the road with my favorite band for the next 8 days. Come watch awesome bands and smoke cigarettes with me! (Maybe we’ll even have some generic sports drink!) I get pretty wild, you guys.

I’m posting from my phone so… apologies if my “presentation” is a little sloppier than usual.

Tomorrow, 8/14: St Louis
https://www.facebook.com/events/560132427378218/

Thursday, Friday, Saturday: DSF
https://www.facebook.com/fdsfest

Sun, 8/18: Des Moines
https://www.facebook.com/events/177409535770042/

Mon, 8/19: Carbondale
I don’t have the link… It’s with Future Virgins… more info TBA. (Noelle has the info, I think, but she’s not actually with us ’cause she’s a rock star who doesn’t ride in the van with Chris, Pete, and I).

Tue, 8/20: Valdosta
Same story. It’s at Red Room Records with Johnathan Coody (Ninja Gun) though. More info TBA.

Wed, 8/21: Tallahassee, Gainesville, or Orlando
This hasn’t been booked yet so more info TBD (and then A).

Smoke All the Cigarettes | We Have Nothing Better to Do | Pop Punk Vacation

August 12, 2013

Listen while you read! (The embed for their new album won’t work, so here’s a stream of their 2011 EP, “Bread Line” – one of the last releases on Traffic Street).

It’s almost midnight, which means that I’m just barely living up to my “new content every day” promise. I know, I know. You’re all very upset. I’ll make it up to you somehow… just not tonight!

You see, I’ve been spending the day, readying myself to hit the road. Tomorrow I’m embarking on a (very) short tour with Rational Anthem. We’re going up to Dave Strait Fest in Minneapolis and stopping for a few other shows on the route up and back. (By the way – interesting trivia fact… did you know that (not counting bands that Davey Tiltwheel is in) Rational Anthem are the only band playing that aren’t from the Midwest?) That’s kind of cool if you ask me.

But anyway, a ton of my favorite bands are playing and I’m really excited about it. Before I went to rehab (the first time) I was going to at least forty shows a year (many of which I was the one responsible for booking). Shit, I did forty shows just in the summer 2008, ’09, and ’10. Since I went to rehab though, Rational Anthem (and Weak Nights) are the only bands I’ve seen. In almost two years. That shit’s insane. Plus, Rational Anthem’s 2009 tour was kind of the epitome of my bad behavior. Well, my bad behavior in a social context anyway. I was not a good friend to them. After that tour, my relationships with Chris and Noelle became a little strained, so it’s kind of a big deal for me to be hitting the road with them again. Even if it is just for a week. It means a lot to me. Like… it makes me really happy. Not just that I get to go, but that they trust me to go. That they actually want me to go. (They invited me! They’re stoked on it! (That’s really, really awesome)).

I interviewed them for Razorcake recently, so you’ll be able to read a lot more about our zany adventures together once that comes out. For now, I’m just gonna share some of the stuff that I got to design for the sixty-or-so day tour that they got home from about a week ago.

"I Just Wanna Listen to Rational Anthem and Smoke All the Cigarettes." 5/3/13. T-shirt.
“I Just Wanna Listen to Rational Anthem and Smoke All the Cigarettes.” 5/3/13. T-shirt.

This originally said Off With Their Heads instead of Rational Anthem but I decided to change it up ’cause Rational needed a shirt and OWTH didn’t. I listen to both bands when I’m feeling well, but when I’m upset, I turn to OWTH when I wanna dwell in it and Rational when I wanna pull myself out. I didn’t get one of these shirts before they left for their long tour so I’m pretty stoked to finally get one tomorrow.

 

"We Have Nothing Better to Do." 5/3/13. T-shirt.
“We Have Nothing Better to Do.” 5/3/13. T-shirt.

Screen-printing is not the best medium for images with small or fine details. It took me fucking forever to find a balance in manipulating this image so that the faces were somewhat visible, but didn’t have any lines or dots that’d be too small to come out in a screen. The logo on the first few Rational records and shirts was mine, but this one I stole (I think it’s one of Corey’s). (When Corey’s not playing in The Manix and Banner Pilot, he does some pretty outstanding artwork and was definitely an inspiration to / influence on me). Anyway, this shirt was Chris’s idea (or at least he’s the one that brought it to me). Originally, it was going to say “Pop Punk Vacation” at the bottom, which I thought was kind of boring. We thought this was way, way funnier. Not only is it a great statement about playing in a band generally, but what the fuck are they doing posing on top of a van for a photograph? I mean, don’t these fucking kids have jobs? Honestly…

 

"Pop Punk Vacation." 5/2/13. Poster. 9x14"
“Pop Punk Vacation.” 5/2/13. Poster. 9×14″

Originally, this was the only thing I was designing for Rational Anthem’s summer tour, but – as it’d turn out – I got to do pretty much everything. (That first shirt design was also printed up on red and black koozies). This one definitely took the longest though. The main artwork – like the name of the tour – is a National Lampoon parody. I looked up the posters to the different Vacation movies and thought it’d be fun to do a re-imagining of the “European Vacation” poster, on which the Griswold family are all clutching the legs of their leader, Clark, as he stand proudly with his fist in the air, clutching a [I forget what he was clutching]. The tagline is also a parody of the tagline from the poster. Ours says, “For over three dozen years, punk rock has survived many terrible posers. Now for the real test… Rational Anthem are coming out of their mall!” (That’s definitely my favorite part). Anyway, I drew the kids with colored pencils. Don’t ask me why I gave them green skin – I have no reason. The van in the background is from the first piece I ever sold, “Clarity,” and the rest is from a piece I made after I left rehab, called “Heather Pierce.” Neither is up on this site with a real write-up yet, but you can see them (and get a little background info on each) elsewhere. “Clarity” is online here, in my Facebook album of inpatient artwork, and “Heather Pierce” is up here, on my Storenvy site.

Here are the dates for our little mini-tour. If you’re coming out, I’ll see you soon!

  • Tue. 8/13 – Leavin’ late and just hanging with Stewart in Atlanta
  • Wed. 8/14 – St. Louis w/ [ask Noelle]
  • Thu. 8/15 – Dave Strait Fest in Minneapolis!
  • Fri. 8/16 – Dave Strait Fest in Minneapolis!
  • Sat. 8/17 – Dave Strait Fest in Minneapolis! (this is the day Rational are actually playing)
  • Sun. 8/18 – Des Moines, IA w/ The Copyrights, Lipstick Homicide, Tight Bros, and more
  • Mon. 8/19 – Carbondale, IL w/ [ask Noelle]
  • Tue. 8/20 – [ask Noelle]

Regarding the shows on Sunday and Monday though – Zack’s hitching a ride with us back down to FL from MPLS and – I think Dear Landlord might be playing one (or both) of them. Once I’m actually with everyone, I’ll know more solid details on the shows (like venues/addresses) and I’ll throw them up online here when I do.

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