My counselor said I seemed different today. It wasn’t a change for the better. If I had to name it, I’d call it “Defeat.” I haven’t surrendered but there’s this bit of quiet resignation in me. I fight for myself but I think there’s a part of me that doesn’t actually believe I can win. I work toward my goals, I work for the life I want (everyday — and all day). But these goals may not be attainable. They’re as conceptual as my “belief” in a higher power. They are tools that keep me moving — they give me a reason to live, but they might not exist beyond that. My destination may be farther away than I’m able to travel in this lifetime.
- “Acceptance, Surrender, Resignation, Shit.” 4/16/13. Oil pastel, marker, pencil, pen. 6½x8½”.
I started this piece in February but struggled with it until it was finally finished in April. It seems appropriate here.
This entry is very much a continuation of its predecessor, earlier in the hour.
This song is playing and I like it.
I’ve had an idea for a Crusades comic in my head for months now. Maybe I’ll actually draw it one day.