Acceptance, Surrender, Resignation, Shit

My counselor said I seemed different today. It wasn’t a change for the better. If I had to name it, I’d call it “Defeat.” I haven’t surrendered but there’s this bit of quiet resignation in me. I fight for myself but I think there’s a part of me that doesn’t actually believe I can win. I work toward my goals, I work for the life I want (everyday — and all day). But these goals may not be attainable. They’re as conceptual as my “belief” in a higher power. They are tools that keep me moving — they give me a reason to live, but they might not exist beyond that. My destination may be farther away than I’m able to travel in this lifetime.

"Acceptance, Surrender, Resignation, Shit." 4/16/13. Oil pastels, marker, pencil, pen. 6½x8½".

“Acceptance, Surrender, Resignation, Shit.” 4/16/13. Oil pastel, marker, pencil, pen. 6½x8½”.

I started this piece in February but struggled with it until it was finally finished in April. It seems appropriate here.

This entry is very much a continuation of its predecessor, earlier in the hour.

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This song is playing and I like it.

I’ve had an idea for a Crusades comic in my head for months now. Maybe I’ll actually draw it one day.

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3 thoughts on “Acceptance, Surrender, Resignation, Shit”

  1. “My destination may be farther away than I’m able to travel in this lifetime.”

    I had this same thought one day… thank goodness I have yoga as a “tool to keep me moving.”

    I read in the book Autobiography of a Yogi that most everyone is further from their destination (i.e. union with god) than one could travel in several life times. Stay true to yourself and your shining spark of divinity \\(@-@)//

    I found this post to be greatly inspiring. KEEP IT REAL.

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