Category Archives: Photographs

Photographs, Status Update

5 months clean

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Tomorrow marks five months clean. Everything’s going pretty well. I’m a little bummed that I haven’t been able to share decent photos my post-relapse paintings on here yet (there are five finished paintings so far, another that’s in progress, and a drawing that’s in progress as well). I should be able to get most of them photographed sometime this week, at which point I’ll start writing the ancillary statements for each so that I can give each one its own proper blog entry AND start offering prints for sale.

The big news lately (as those that follow me on Facebook already know) is that I got Wallis back down here and back off drugs. (Things took a (predictably) bad turn for her when we split up and she went back to Jacksonville). There’s no judgment in that statement by the way; if I had been in that situation, I very sincerely doubt that I’d have fared even the slightest bit better. Anyway, initially we (I, with the help of some friends) got her into inpatient rehab but – for reasons I’m not going to get into – that didn’t really pan out as well as we might’ve hoped. So she’s been back out now for a few days and I’m scrambling a little bit to figure out where to put her. Art sales have been going as well as could be expected considering I’m just now getting back to it after a two-year hiatus/relapse but the brief period that she was in rehab wasn’t exactly enough time for me to make enough money to find a place for her to live. (She’s, of course, going to be getting a job and paying her own way but someone has to cover her first month’s rent and who’s that gonna be if not me?) Toward that end, I swallowed ALL OF MY PRIDE and actually got a “real job” for the first time in ten thousand years. I’m not super happy about it; it feels a little bit like an acknowledgment of failure; like maybe I can’t support myself (and someone else) off art alone but history’s already proven that that’s not true and I’m confident that this isn’t the new “state of affairs” and that I’ll be able to return full-time to art in the relatively near future. It basically boils down to the question of what’s more important to me: my pride and my image or providing a safe place for the girl that I love to recover/heal/rebuild in the same way that I was so recently given the opportunity to do?

I guess that about covers it for now. Hit me up if you wanna buy some art. Apparently these “JOBS” have these things called “pay periods” where you don’t get your money until, like, two Fridays after you do the stuff that you do and I’d like to start renting a place before then. But – you know – whatever. It’s all gonna work out regardless. IT SORT OF ALWAYS DOES.

photo, Thursday, 2/15/2018
Photographs, Status Update

December or whatever

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I’m pretty sure I left Chicago immediately after writing my last blog entry. We packed up that day and were on the road within 24 hours. We came to Jacksonville, which is mostly where we’ve been ever since.

I started work on the eight by twelve foot canvas that I had been planning since Spring. I set it up in front of Sun-Ray Cinema everyday and work on it with a table of prints set up to sell as I paint.

November turned out pretty well. After not even attempting to make any money the last two months in Chicago, I started to sell a good deal of art and am no longer in the dire financial position that I was in when I left Illinois. My emotional state improved significantly too.

December has been kind of rough so far. I stopped setting up to paint and sell quite as often so I started to make less money and I started to not feel quite as good. December’s Art Walk in Jacksonville was surprisingly bad and the rain at Art Basel pretty much fucked that up too.

I also finally had my first run-in with some idiot who wants to believe that I’m a rapist. Wallis and I were out in front of Sun-Ray and some girl walked by.

Without stopping, she asked, “Hey – didn’t you rape that girl?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yeah you did,” she said, by that point already a ways down the sidewalk, barely within earshot. There was no use trying to argue with her. She (and people like her) don’t care about the truth.

Though I’m not sure exactly what it is that they do care about. Condemning me does nothing to prevent violence or to aid victims/survivors of violence. It’s a showing of support for an anonymous girl that told (or at least went along with) a really disgusting lie. And it hurts me.

There are a thousand things I could write or say in an attempt to convince people that I was innocent. None of that really matters though. There are only two people in the world who really know what happened that night. And though the news stories about the alleged crime are sensationalistic and factually inaccurate, the little bit of information that is publicly available is more than enough to suggest a reasonable doubt.

If someone wants to believe that I’m a rapist in spite of that, their belief really doesn’t have anything to do with me, my actions, my character, or my history.

This isn’t really what I set out to write tonight, when I sat down to write this blog entry. I just wanted to give an update to the people that care about (or take an interest in) me.

For reasons I don’t want to discuss, I’m less comfortable disclosing the more sensitive details of my life right now. (The reasons and details have nothing to do with what I’ve just written about). Suffice to say, in the time that’s passed since my last update, I’ve experienced plenty of highs, lows, and middles, and tonight I’m just feeling very introspective and a little somber.

Here are a bunch of photographs:

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Me and the girl I love.
Wallis being adorable as fuck in her onesie / footed pajamas (the best money I've ever spent).
Wallis being adorable as fuck in her onesie / footed pajamas (the best money I’ve ever spent).
Our boy, Lukah, also lookin' pretty cute.
Our boy, Lukah, also lookin’ pretty cute.

And here are a series of photographs to show the development of my current work-in-progress. It’s the biggest thing I’ve done thus far (eight feel tall, twelve feet wide) and I’ve been at it for about a month now.

Day 2.
Day 2.
On Day 3, I decided that the canvas needed another layer of gesso, so I lost most of what I had already done.
On Day 3, I decided that the canvas needed another layer of gesso, so I lost most of what I had already done.
Inspired by Lukah's giant green eyes.
Inspired by Lukah’s giant green eyes.
I was pretty proud of myself when the cat body actually came out looking as I'd envisioned it.
I was pretty proud of myself when the cat body actually came out looking as I’d envisioned it.
All of these photos are from out front of Sun-Ray Cinema, which is where I work on this painting most days while I'm in Jacksonville.
: P.
My little buddy, Riley, helped me paint one day. I gave him his own corner and then reworked everything he painted. I'll dedicate a whole blog entry just to that later though.
My little buddy, Riley, helped me paint one day. I gave him his own corner and then reworked everything he painted. I’ll dedicate a whole blog entry just to that later though.
Here it is after I finished all of Riley's stuff (which took forever).
Here it is after I finished most of Riley’s stuff (which took forever).
Late November.
Late November.
After painting nearly everyday for two or three weeks, I don't think I painted at all in the first ten days of December. Here's a picture of the painting from Saturday night though. You can see it's almost filled out but all of the details will probably take me at least another month to finish.
After painting nearly everyday for two or three weeks, I don’t think I painted at all in the first ten days of December. Here’s a picture of the painting from Saturday night though. Even though it’s almost “filled out” some of the stuff that’s in it now will likely be covered up so – between that and all of the time I’ll spend on little details – it’s safe to say that this thing will keep me busy for at least another month.

If you’re in Jacksonville and wanna buy something, meet me, or just see how the painting is coming along, I’m out front of Sun-Ray most days from around noon ’til 10pm or so (unless it’s raining or I’m depressed or… whatever). Come say hi and then go inside and see a movie or get a pizza or something. Right now they’re playing Krampus and Room. Thursday’s the last night for Krampus and then on Friday they’re opening Guy Maddin’s The Forbidden Room and the new Star Wars movie. Oh – and on Thursday night they’re throwing a huge fucking party out back (in the parking lot behind the theater) where they’re gonna be recreating the cantina from Mos Eisley (which, for you non-nerds, is a setting from the original Star Wars movie).

Cool? Cool.

 

Photographs, Status Update

I’m back

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Yesterday was my first appearance in court since my bond hearing. The judge ruled that there was insufficient evidence to establish probable cause (to believe that a crime was committed). As such, the charges against me were dismissed.

There were a lot of reasons behind the judge’s rationale and (unfortunately) the reporters that covered the hearing failed to note most of them in their articles. I was hoping to get my hands on all of the evidence from the case and share it publicly, here, through my website. I want very badly to clear my name. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that I cannot do as I had planned. Because the state could supersede the court’s ruling yesterday (with a grand jury indictment) this is still (technically) an open/ongoing case.

So – as much as I want to run my mouth, tell the whole story, share all of the evidence – for the time being, I have to continue holding my tongue when it comes to that night.

I will however be getting back to creating art and writing. I’m currently working on a book. I have a painting in-progress. And I’ll soon be sharing new work completed before this whole ordeal started. (I didn’t get much done post-arrest, save for some writing that – as noted – I’m unable to share for the time being).

This has been one of the most emotionally painful experiences of my life. It’s second only to the final (worst) years of my heroin addiction (2011-2013). The media’s coverage of this event shattered my reputation. The punk community has been especially awful in their reaction. (Not the people in the punk community who actually know me and know that I’m not capable of committing such an awful crime but the random internet commenters who feed off of shit and negativity and never actually contribute to our scene). If any of you are reading this: you’re a bad fucking person.

It’s been very difficult as late to focus on the positive things in my life but there are many. Before I was arrested (which was the same day I found out about the accusation against me) Wallis came to New York to spend a week with me. As soon as we saw each other again, we knew we didn’t want to be apart anymore and we resolved to work out the logistics of getting back together. It was just three days after her visit ended that I was arrested but as soon as she found out about the charges against me, she hopped on a plane and moved up to Chicago to be with me. We have an apartment here now and (even though I’m legally free to leave the area at this point) we have a lease and will probably be trying our hands at having a relatively “normal” / stable kind of life for a little while. She’s been a wonderful source of support and I love her very much.

Similarly, in stark contrast to the anonymous know-nothing dipshits that frequent the internet, there have been countless friends, fans, and loved ones that have reached out and lent support of all kinds ever since this started. Whether it was financial help with legal fees, helping me find an apartment, making sure I ate or slept, or just a kind word or two, these people made all the difference in keeping me relatively sane and stable this last month. When that first batch of articles came out (branding me as a rapist) I didn’t know if this was worth the fight. At times, I wanted very much to die. But I didn’t want to go out before my name was clear. I didn’t want people to interpret my suicide as an indication of guilt. So I held strong and kept my head up. If it weren’t for those of you that were there for me, I don’t think I would have survived. In fact, I’m almost certain that I wouldn’t have. Thank you. I got a lot of anonymous hate mail when those news stories broke. A lot of strangers threatening me or wishing terrible things upon me. I’m happy to report that love won out over hate.

There’s still so much that I want to say but – for now – I think I’d better wrap it up. Here’s a picture of Wallis and I outside the courtroom after the judge’s ruling. I wasn’t quite ready for the picture to be taken and am mid-blink but that’s okay. You guys know what I look like when my eyes are open, right?

court

 

Photographs, Status Update, Uncategorized

Wallis is gone

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I dropped Wallis off at the airport this morning. For our last day together yesterday, we went to the LaBagh Woods, rode the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier, and walked through Millenium Park. I’m gonna miss her a lot. Writing this short blog post will probably be the most active I get all day today.

Here’s a picture from the ferris wheel.

Photographs, Status Update, Travelogue

Divine intervention and Milwaukee

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Last week, Wallis and I got into an argument. It was nothing serious and we resolved it pretty quickly but it prompted us to consider parting ways. After all, life on the road is one thing for me but – for Wallis – it can kind of feel like putting “real life” on hold. She doesn’t have to work or deal with any kind of responsibility or – you know – anything. She’s kind of just along for the ride. So after traveling together for five months, it felt like maybe it was time for her to return home to Jacksonville and face off against reality and see if she can stay clean without me as a twenty-four hour baby sitter.

On Friday, I bought her a plane ticket for Monday afternoon (today). That’d give us a few more days to spend together, which is something we both wanted.

Over the course of these last few days, we’ve talked a lot about whether this is what we both really wanted. And it seems like our heads were pretty much in exactly the same place. We didn’t wanna let go of one another but agreed that it was probably time. Our feelings said “no” but we felt that, logically, this was the right move. Even still, I’ve felt sick to my stomach all day.

Just now, I took out my phone to check the flight information ’cause it’s time to go to the airport. I had a new email in my inbox: “Status change from Southwest Airlines. Your flight has been cancelled.”
There doesn’t seem to be any inclement weather anywhere between here and Jacksonville. I don’t know why the flight was cancelled but… it makes sense. It just sort of does. I don’t know where we go or what we do from here but… I guess we’ll figure that out.

On an unrelated/here’s-a-picture note, Wallis took this photo of me taking a break from painting (to brush my teeth) one night in the Iowa City downtown pedmall last week.


Okay, off to Milwaukee for Dummerfest.

Photographs, Status Update, Travelogue

Later, Minneapolis

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I’m all done in Minneapolis and currently sitting in a coffee shop in Madison, Wisconsin. Tomorrow, I’ll try to make some money selling prints at [whatever they do in this city for Memorial Day] and then I’ll spend the next couple of days crashing galleries, trying to find a good match for a future exhibit. On Friday, I have court in Normal. I’m pretty sure, at that point, that I’ll get put on probation and have to return to Florida because that’s where I claim “residence.” I might be stuck down there, legally prohibited from traveling for a while. If not, I’ll flip right back up to the midwest for Dummerfest in Milwaukee, where I’m all set to sell prints while my favorite bands play the best music in the universe. After that, I’ll try my luck out with a few galleries in the city and then probably return to Chicago for a bit. If I’m stuck in Florida, I’ll start lining exhibits up down there, I guess.

NEWS… Let’s see… my minivan died and I bought a new full size van. It’s pretty excellent. It’s got a full size bed, a ton of storage space, and plenty of extra room in which to can actually stretch and breathe. I’m really, really excited about it. It makes life about twenty times more comfortable / less stressful. Here are a bunch of pictures from the last month or so.

Wallis, at the end of a particularly good sales day.
Wallis, at the end of a particularly good sales day.
In Jacksonville, for One Spark.
In Jacksonville, for One Spark.
I sold a "Shit's Perfect" print to a little girl with (apparently!) cool parents.
I sold a “Shit’s Perfect” print to a little girl with (apparently!) cool parents.
At that time of night when I no longer give a shit about selling anything.
At that time of night when I no longer give a shit about selling anything.
In Minneapolis, for Art-a-Whirl.
In Minneapolis, for Art-a-Whirl.
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Wallis, on day two of Art-A-Whirl.
The new van.
The new van.
Painting shelves for the new van.
Painting shelves for the new van.
The shelf Justin and I built.
The shelf Justin and I built.
thumb_IMG_8209_1024
Van.
MORE VAN.
MORE VAN.
Photograph from the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
Photograph from the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
Preview of my most recent (finished) painting.
Preview of my most recent (finished) painting.
The top left corner of the painting.
The top left corner of the painting.

 

That’s all for now! Hopefully I’ll have all my new pieces properly photographed and ready to add to the gallery soon! And … um… other stuff too…? I don’t know. Just read my Facebook; I update that all the time!

OH! And giant thanks are due to John Schuerman at Instinct for hosting my first proper midwest exhibit; Griffin Snyder and Zack Gontard for putting me and Wallis up while we were in Minneapolis; Justin Francis for all his help not just with getting the new van together but the old one as well; Jessie and Annie for letting me set up at One Last Party; and Chris Johnson and Kelly Lone for letting me use their basement for storage!

Justin runs a screenprinting shop in Minneapolis, Tee Squared; highly recommended to bands or anyone else that needs shirts printed!

Photographs, Status Update, Travelogue

Minneapolis/Spring update

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Tomorrow I leave Minneapolis to go back to Normal for my fifth or sixth court appearance in connection with my September arrest. I really hope it’ll be the last and I really doubt that it will. After that (aside from the time I’ll spend in Jacksonville for One Spark) I’ll be back in Minneapolis consistently until mid-May when my show at Instinct Gallery ends. The opening for that show was last night and went pretty well. I’m looking forward to reading some reviews this week. All of the press for the show, that I saw leading up to the opening, featured one of my pieces – which is pretty cool since I’m just one of nine artists in the exhibit. Also, tomorrow, there’s going to be a spot about the show on Minnesota Public Radio, which (I believe) will include (at the very least) an excerpt from a brief interview I gave last week. So that’s kinda exciting…

I still haven’t finished writing the statements for the large pieces I made late last year but I added one of them to the Gallery page anyway; it’s one of the pieces being show at Instinct right now and it’s called “The Last Unfinished Work.”

"The Last Unfinished Work." 12/24/14. Acrylic. 4x5'.
“The Last Unfinished Work.” 12/24/14. Acrylic. 4×5′.

At four by five feet, it’s also the biggest painting I’ve made to date.

Here are some more photos from my Instagram and Facebook in the last week or so:

Sometimes I take for granted how much I get to experience and see, traveling year round for my art career. It's snowy just outside Minneapolis tonight. Earlier, this same month, I've spent days and nights in Miami, Atlanta, St Louis, Iowa City. I don't really have a home but I've got a lot of great people in my life who make that pretty okay.
My buddy Zack’s putting us up right now. Here’s the view from his back porch earlier tonight.
A couple highlights in MPLS papers advertising the exhibit and featuring one of my pieces.
A couple highlights in MPLS papers advertising the exhibit and featuring one of my pieces.
Posing for a photo with my buddy, Chris (of the legendary Rational Anthem).
Posing for a photo with my buddy, Chris (of the legendary Rational Anthem).
Pete took Wallis 'n' me to an arcade in Iowa City, where the three of us beat the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game and became the undisputed ninja champions of the midwest.
Pete took Wallis ‘n’ me to an arcade in Iowa City, where the three of us beat the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game and became the undisputed ninja champions of the midwest.
I took this photo of Noelle, Wallis, and Chris in the midst of a super important conversation about blink-182.
I took this photo of Noelle, Wallis, and Chris in the midst of a super important conversation about blink-182.
Wallis, riding in style, a week or so ago, while we were staying with Mary Beth in Atlanta.
Wallis, riding in style, a couple weeks back, while we were staying with Mary Beth in Atlanta.

I’m not good at writing lately. I think I’m gonna blame it on running out of my meds. Maybe I’ll get better about writing once I find a doctor here.