So I Just Put This in My Head and the Blood Will Come Out?

November 15, 2024

“MFC 2.0″ 11/8/24. Pigment ink. 8×6”.

I have a lot of artwork from ten plus years ago (when I first started making art) that I still love conceptually but just looks terrible. I never liked the idea of recycling ideas but so much of that early stuff is still so exciting and meaningful to me and I hate the idea of just letting it disappear. At the same time, I certainly don’t wanna promote or advertise anything that looks bad or doesn’t represent me well. That line of thinking’s led me to reconsider my previous stance and become okay – even passionate – about the idea of taking some of my old concepts and making new artwork with them. One of those is already in the works as a major painting (and you can get a look at that process over on my TikTok) while others will be coming soon.

Speaking of TikTok, if you’re not already following me on there, I’ve been making four to seven videos for it every week – and have even started livestreaming on occasion. I know a lot of people have issues with TikTok (I certainly did/do) but if you wanna keep up with my process, I think it’s worth checking out.

Anyway, the drawing in today’s blog isn’t really a recycled idea because it’s more of an exact duplicate. There’s nothing wrong with the original “My Favorite Cartoon” but I want to make prints of it and don’t have a good photo or scan of the original from which to make them. All I’ve got is badly filtered, altered versions from Photoshop. Since I don’t wanna make prints from those, I simply redrew it.

For a more meaningful story, you can read the story behind the original drawing in my blog entry from August 22nd, 2013.

And if you want one of these prints, they’re now up for sale in my webstore. Or you can buy this “original” MFC 2.0 drawing by contacting me. (It’s since been sold).

Thanks as always for your time and attention. Your support means everything to me.

contact issues (last week or so)

November 5, 2024

Just a quick heads up: I discovered an issue with the contact page. If you’ve tried to contact me recently, I’m guessing it didn’t work. Anyway, it’s resolved now so – if you still need to reach me – NOW YOU CAN.

And SO LONG AS I’M POSTING AN UPDATE, I’ll mention that I now hate all social media EXCEPT FOR TIKTOK. I’ve been making a new video for it almost every single day for the last month, so if you wanna keep up with me, that’s now the best place to do so. Instagram and especially Facebook can fuck off forever. (DON’T GET ME STARTED).

I’ve been hard at work on a BRAND NEW PAINTING so I’ll update the blog when that’s finished or when I next write up a statement for one of the pieces that’s still missing one. In the meantime, like I said, FOLLOW ME ON TIKTOK. TIKTOK IS THE FUTURE. TIKTOK IS LIFE. ALL HAIL TIKTOK.

Oh – and today was my birthday. So go buy me/you a present in the print shop!

Love you all. TALK SOON.

Hurricane Milton < Hurricane Juliana

October 10, 2024

After packing my entire life into my car, stashing it on the fifth floor of a parking garage, and preparing to go to my grandparents’ ALF to wait out the hurricane (‘cause the building is “hurricane-proof” and has generators), my ex got around my many blocks (phone, email, social media) and begged me to give her ONE MORE CHANCE. And I brilliantly allowed her to come with me. It was fine (even GREAT) for that first night and then – the day of the hurricane – it became clear that nothing had changed and I was trapped in there with her.

It was torturous. To love someone so much, know it won’t work out, and then be stuck someplace together. And she just doesn’t get it. She still thought we were going to sleep together that second night, cuddled up, spooning on the couch. (There was no bed in the room we stayed in). I don’t know if she’s a sociopath or just has the emotional intelligence of a five year-old but I also know it DOESN’T REFLECT ESPECIALLY WELL ON ME that I was ever in love with this person or thought I wanted a life with her. I know I say this all the time but “we are attracted (and attractive) to people with similar levels of emotional health/maturity.” I would like to believe that my reluctance/refusal to engage with this anymore means that I’m getting better.

Anyway, it turned out that even though the hurricane made its initial landfall RIGHT HERE IN SARASOTA (less than a mile from my place), everything was alright. And nothing happened to my car. So I spent all day putting my life/home back together (just finished this minute) and I can LICK MY EMOTIONAL WOUNDS from the comfort of my home.

Things could have been worse. I need to remember to be grateful for what I’ve got. Friends (that helped me unload my car and then FED ME PIZZA), a home that I like, people all over that care about me, I’m clean, back to making art, and I don’t need to rebuild my life from scratch simply because of a natural disaster/GOD HATES ME. (Or maybe he doesn’t, seeing as how it worked out). But he PROBABLY does.

This was originally written simply as the caption for a TIKTOK VIDEO (I wonder if those words will ever not sound ridiculous to me?) because I’m currently operating under the belief that TikTok is my best shot at marketing myself/rebuilding my career, especially as long as I’m still just living in Sarasota. Here are the photos from the post for anyone that doesn’t wanna use that app.

Photo I took from the garage where I parked my car.
That’s one of my dad’s sculptures front and center. He died in 2021.
Where I write, draw, and do any computer-kinda work.
Where I paint.
Me, in bed, with a print that I stuck over my head, just to take this photo and make it more interesting. Because I’m both vain and self-promoting.

Super secret gallery of stuff that’s not very good

September 15, 2024

Have you been following me for YEARS and long for the days when even my old, terrible work was easily accessible?! Have you discovered me recently and want to see just how embarrassing my early stuff is?!

WELL HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU!

The sole purpose of this post is to link to a special, unlisted page that I set up to feature all of my [let’s call them] B-SIDES.

Enjoy or don’t: The Sammy thrashLife completist/SUPER FAN gallery

“Selfish Program,” drawn 11/29/12. Just a taste of what you’re in for if you dare.

Back and on the attack (just like that Voodoo Glow Skulls song except not stupid)

March 29, 2019

OKAY – how many times have we done this now? Just twice, right? MAYBE three times? Who cares. Here’s the obligatory first-post-after-a-long-relapse post. “WHAT WENT WRONG THIS TIME,” YOU ASK? Again – who fucking cares? Here are the only details that I feel are relevant:

  1. I got back together with Wallis in January 2018 after just three months apart.
  2. Shit went off the rails sometime in the spring when I started using.
  3. Shit went WAY off the rails by October and we split up.
  4. I called Brandon, he agreed to take me to detox the next day.
  5. Before that happened, that same night, I got arrested for more drug charges. (Surprise!)
  6. I got bailed out by my sister ’cause she’s a sweet girl and it WAS ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY.
  7. I went into detox and moved in with Brandon and Amanda.
  8. Two months later, I switched it up and moved in with Ellen.
  9. I started painting again.
  10. I’ve got two new pieces. One’s already sold; the other hasn’t. (I’ll be posting and writing about all of my “new” art (from this year and last year) here, very soon).
  11. I’ve been in outpatient treatment since I got out of the hospital.
  12. Oh – speaking of which – I also had some broken bones around the same time as my detox, from a motorcycle accident. (More on that later (MAYBE)).
  13. Shit’s going fucking good. (Not “well,” but GOOD; fuck your grammar; language is for communication; I don’t care about rules).
  14. I recently started dating someone new and I like her a wholllllllllllle fucking lot but I’m not gonna write a lot about her here just now because I learned from experience that – even when the girl is cool with it – parents don’t seem to like it when their daughter starts dating an artist with no sense of boundaries or propriety and writes all about their beloved child’s private life on the internet. Her name is Juliana though and she’s just wonderful.
  15. Oh – and because I know YOU KIDS WORRY, I’ll just say this much: No, she is not now (nor has she ever been) a heroin addict. And I’m pretty sure she’ll be good for me and I’m gonna do everything I can to be good for her.

Cool? Cool.

More substantive (or at least art-related) posts coming very soon.

Here’s a recent photo of me on a day I was wearing an “employable human” costume – because I don’t want to post the photos of my new paintings just yet but because blog posts should have SOME kind of graphic, right?

I didn’t (proof)read this post after typing it because I’m in a hurry just this minute. If I wrote something wrong, maybe I’ll fix it later, MAYBE NOT.

Love you nerds. Thanks for caring.

5 months clean

February 19, 2018

Tomorrow marks five months clean. Everything’s going pretty well. I’m a little bummed that I haven’t been able to share decent photos my post-relapse paintings on here yet (there are five finished paintings so far, another that’s in progress, and a drawing that’s in progress as well). I should be able to get most of them photographed sometime this week, at which point I’ll start writing the ancillary statements for each so that I can give each one its own proper blog entry AND start offering prints for sale.

The big news lately (as those that follow me on Facebook already know) is that I got Wallis back down here and back off drugs. (Things took a (predictably) bad turn for her when we split up and she went back to Jacksonville). There’s no judgment in that statement by the way; if I had been in that situation, I very sincerely doubt that I’d have fared even the slightest bit better. Anyway, initially we (I, with the help of some friends) got her into inpatient rehab but – for reasons I’m not going to get into – that didn’t really pan out as well as we might’ve hoped. So she’s been back out now for a few days and I’m scrambling a little bit to figure out where to put her. Art sales have been going as well as could be expected considering I’m just now getting back to it after a two-year hiatus/relapse but the brief period that she was in rehab wasn’t exactly enough time for me to make enough money to find a place for her to live. (She’s, of course, going to be getting a job and paying her own way but someone has to cover her first month’s rent and who’s that gonna be if not me?) Toward that end, I swallowed ALL OF MY PRIDE and actually got a “real job” for the first time in ten thousand years. I’m not super happy about it; it feels a little bit like an acknowledgment of failure; like maybe I can’t support myself (and someone else) off art alone but history’s already proven that that’s not true and I’m confident that this isn’t the new “state of affairs” and that I’ll be able to return full-time to art in the relatively near future. It basically boils down to the question of what’s more important to me: my pride and my image or providing a safe place for the girl that I love to recover/heal/rebuild in the same way that I was so recently given the opportunity to do?

I guess that about covers it for now. Hit me up if you wanna buy some art. Apparently these “JOBS” have these things called “pay periods” where you don’t get your money until, like, two Fridays after you do the stuff that you do and I’d like to start renting a place before then. But – you know – whatever. It’s all gonna work out regardless. IT SORT OF ALWAYS DOES.

photo, Thursday, 2/15/2018

CLEAN

November 10, 2017

If you follow my personal Facebook page, this might not be the most interesting update. For anyone that doesn’t: I’M FIFTY-ONE DAYS CLEAN. That’s a pretty big deal. It’s been two years since I could say that.

So far as other shit that’s going on:
1) I left Jacksonville. There was nothing good for me there. I was never gonna get clean in that city.
2) Wallis and I are split (at least for the time being). But so far as I know, SHE’S FIFTY-ONE DAYS CLEAN TOO.
3) I started making art again. I waited this long because I was never an artist before I got clean. I never made art while I was getting high. I didn’t wanna start making art while I was still at risk of using again. So I waited ‘til I had what I felt was a significant amount of time and I was in a place where I felt like I had a safety net – a place where, as soon as something went wrong, I wasn’t going to fall right back into shooting heroin. I feel like I have that now. And I feel like it’s been proven by Wallis and I splitting, the recent death of an old friend, and all of the everyday basic shit that ordinary humans deal with but that sends me spiraling into hopelessness on a regular basis. Also, I was scared. Scared to make art again. ‘Cause it’s been awhile. And my life is different now. And I don’t know if I can ever go back to doing things the way that I used to.

BUT (with that being said) I don’t exactly know what the fuck else to do so here’s my plan… I’ve got a huge mess to clean up. I’ve got a lot of “rebuilding” to do. I’ve lost pretty much everything. No phone, no car, no license, no home (of my own), no girlfriend (sorta), no prospects, no income, no not shit. (And yes, that’s an intentional nonsensical double-negative). And I still got legal issues hanging over my head that I need to clear up.

So all I really know how to do is paint. And write. (And listen to punk rock and smoke cigarettes, but those last two probably aren’t gonna be super integral to the rebuilding of my life). And it’s possible that those first two won’t either. After all, before I went to rehab and got my stretch of clean time, I was running Traffic Street Records and had just graduated from law school. By the time I got out of rehab, neither of those were relevant to my life anymore. Maybe art isn’t either at this point. But I literally got nothin’ else. Shit – I even left all my physical possession behind in Jacksonville. (I lost damn near everything).

So I’m gonna paint. And post bullshit on the internet. And just try to keep stacking up days without putting a needle into my arm. I’m super lucky to have people that support me and take care of me. Feed me and give me a place to sleep and paint.

That’s what I got right now. It’s not the most solid plan anyone’s ever formulated but – like I said – I don’t know anything else.

Wish me luck. Or  send me messages about how I’m a junkie piece of shit who should just kill himself already. (I know how much some of you just love that).

Here’s a picture that someone sent me recently. It’s from the first day I ever used heroin. That was 15 years ago.

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