I stumbled across Proverbs 5:19 on the internet today. From the New American Standard Bible:

Like a loving doe and a graceful mountain goat, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love.

Some of the other translations aren’t quite as ridiculous but where’s the fun in that? My first reaction was only (ASSUMING MY READING OF THIS IS CORRECT): the Bible is much hornier than I realized! (Or at least remembered). I haven’t bothered to read the passages surrounding this for additional context, but it would seem to be about nothing more than ENJOYING BREASTS. If that’s not jarring enough, the fact that a line is somehow drawn to that from the grace of (of all things) a MOUNTAIN GOAT. …I can’t be the only one that finds this absurd, curious, and remarkably amusing.

My first draft didn’t have a girl’s head and the boobs were just slapped on the side of the goat’s body but, I figured, if THE BIBLE is gonna get horny with it, I might as well too. It’s much creepier this way!

And speaking of horny and creepy, I initially wanted to title this “Christian Girls” but…  that felt a little too horny even for me. Or rather, it felt too creepy for me at my age.

When I use the word “girls,” I’m talking about women approximately my own age. Maybe because I’m stuck in perpetual adolescence as a consequence of losing so many years to addiction, but the word “women” just feels strange to me. I feel awkward saying it. I’m not as uncomfortable with it as I am with the word “men,” which I really hate but – I’m at an age now where I’m gonna have to get used to it. Referring to my peers as “kids” worked a decade ago. Referring to my dates as “girls” worked a decade ago. But, today, someone might get the wrong idea, especially about “girls.”

Hey – what do you know? Seeing as all I’m presenting in this entry is a drawing that’s AS DUMB AS THEY GET, I was afraid I was gonna disappoint anyone who came here hoping for another overwrought story of mental illness and poor decisions but – CHECK ME OUT – I managed to get there all the same!

One last note (in case it doesn’t go without saying) “like, really cool tits” is not the way I talk (unless I’m trying to be funny). That’s me poking fun at the way God talks. (He wrote the Old Testament/Torah/Tawrat, right?)

“Let her breasts satisfy you at all times” – HILARIOUS!

Having said all of that, it’d be dishonest to not acknowledge that “there’s at least a grain of truth in every joke.” I mean, who wouldn’t go for a girl with the grace of a mountain goat and REALLY COOL TITS?

I’m only human. I’m just as God made me.

If you’d like to support me (even half as much as I’d like you to support me!) prints of “Christian Love (The Grace of a Mountain Goat)” are on sale now in the webstore. I mean, really you should probably buy one of my other prints but – hey – THE HEART WANTS WHAT IT WANTS and I won’t judge you. Thank you (as always) for your time and attention. Even for nonsense like this.