The name “Chris Spillane” is gonna start popping up in just about everything I write (and already has in my Facebook posts) so I figure a little explanation is in order.

Chris is one of my oldest / best friends. When I came back to Sarasota two weeks back, he was in bad shape. We got into heroin together back when we were kids but have slid in and out of the danger zone with it to different degrees and at different times. After a relatively long stretch of clean time that began last summer, Chris started shooting up again earlier this year. He also started smoking and shooting crack. That’s not entirely new (I’ll tell the story of the first time we smoked crack later) but it had never been a regular thing until just recently. So, anyway, Chris’s April featured such exciting developments as (1) losing his job, (2) losing his dog, (3) losing his home, and (4) losing his girlfriend. And things weren’t exactly getting any better from there. On April 30th, some friends and I filed Marchman Act papers to have Chris picked up by the police and put into detox and then (ideally) transferred to the Salvation Army’s long-term inpatient treatment program. Which all worked out until Chris panicked and ran off into the night last Friday. With ideas about heroin, overdosing, and death. Thankfully, before he followed through with that, he called me and I picked him up. He’s been with me ever since.

We looked at the options. Chris could try to get back into the Salvation Army’s treatment program, which might be good for him but it’s pretty clear that it’s not all that tough to leave on a whim and – should Chris get anxious or scared and walk out again – things might not work out quite as nicely next time around. SO, with that in mind, we’re going with plan B. Chris is coming on the road with me for the time being. He can help me with all the practical/work parts of my “job” and maybe (just maybe) see that life without heroin can be pretty fucking spectacular. I realize that art (and my lifestyle, more generally) isn’t a universal cure and I don’t think Chris is gonna wanna become an artist and live like this for the rest of his life. But (hopefully) he’ll have some fun and find something to get excited about (something worth living for). All I know for sure is that that’s a fuck of a lot more likely to happen on the road with me than back in Sarasota. And a whole lot less dangerous, for him specifically.

Granted, this has the potential to become pretty stressful for me (it’s a lot of responsibility to take on) and I can be pretty fragile myself some days. But, ultimately, it’s more than worth it to me. I love the kid. And – like I said – Chris will be able to help me out in a lotta ways. Just for starters, the distances between the cities I’ll be visiting are about to increase exponentially as I get out of Florida. Chris can split the driving with me and I’ll be able to hang out in the back of the van and actually paint (or write) as I make my way from city to city. (That’s pretty awesome).

So that’s the latest development and (barring any further unforeseen developments) the next time you see me, you’ll be seeing Chris too. He’s one of my favorite people on the planet and will be one of the best people you’ll ever meet. Here’s a picture of me eating some pizza and cutting his hair, the morning after he left treatment.

So far, so good but – for what it’s worth – I’m still feeling pretty “relapsy.”

On the one hand, I’ve been dealing with some pretty fucked up shit lately. On the other, I don’t *feel* especially sad or desperate or anything like that… So – while I’d *like to say* that – none of it’s really getting to me, it’s kind of hard to buy into that when (in the same breath) I’m also acknowledging this impulse that keeps firing off in my brain.

I’m not about to go out of my way to get heroin but I’m back in that place (mentally) where – should I run into the wrong person/situation – I’d probably make one of my less intelligent decisions.

Which is pretty dumb considering how well everything’s been going! I mean – shit – I’m virtually a POSTER CHILD for “turning it around” and building a new life (after heroin).

And yet – here I am – in my head, debating whether or not it’d be okay to shoot up again. (It’s kind of embarrassing). Then again, I’ll bet everyone (that’s kinda like me) has thoughts like these sometimes. They probably just don’t share them on THE INTERNET. ‘Cause – you know – EMBARRASSING. I’m supposed to be more stable (at least so far as drugs are concerned) at this point.

*Although*, maybe the fact that I’m writing this right now instead of [um] GOING OUT AND GETTING HIGH is proof that I *am* pretty stable.

So… um… you know… just putting that out there.

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Here’s a picture I took this week. The painting I’ve been working on and a friend I’ve been kicking around with.

I worked on my current painting, “Adventures Per Minute,” which you can see a small part of on my Instagram.

I took my newest finished painting (“Corporations are Cool”) to my photographer’s studio so that I can start making prints of it. That’ll probably be the next one I add online, unless I get around to writing about the previous piece (“Nothing’s Good Enough Because I’m Not”) first.

I got new prints made, including the first run for “The Future Scares the Sit Out of Me.”

My original pieces are solely exhibited at Ettra in this area but I set up an exhibit of twenty-five of my prints at VapeTrends, where a friend works.

I built a portfolio featuring some press, other materials, and a couple dozen of my prints, along with the stories for each one, so that I’ll have a nice book to walk into galleries with when I’m soliciting new exhibits and showings.

Aside from the merit of my actual work, there’s a reason why I’ve been doing so well. I accomplish this much every single day. I feel overwhelmed by how much I still have to do but I won’t let it get to me. I’m gonna keep at it and I’ll be okay so long as I pause and remember to breathe every so often. I’ll do more before I go to bed tonight and I’ll do more tomorrow and every day after that. It’s what I need to do to be happy and to feel okay about who I am. And it’s working.

I’m proud of myself.

It kinda figures that in a week when I’ve experienced some of my best emotional highs, I’d also have my first episode/freakout in months. And then have another. And another. The phrase that keeps coming to mind is MENTAL ILLNESS HOT STREAK. I’m painting some funny faces about it though and everything’s cool for now.

I don’t ever reach out to anyone when I’m going through something tough but I’m lucky enough to have friends that are consistently wonderful enough to me that it doesn’t matter. Friends that are aware of and friends that are completely oblivious to what I’m going through both hit me up and help balance me out, whether they realize they’re doing it or not. I’m very lucky.

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you may have already seen a photograph with a half-finished new painting of mine in the background. In either case, I finished it on Tuesday night and I’ll be posting a photo sometime after I get back to Jacksonville.

I’m in Sarasota right now for the premiere of No Real Than You Are. I’m not gonna be doing a pop-up show down here after all, but if you wanna get some prints off me while I’m in the area, hit me up tomorrow or Monday. I gotta get back to Jacksonville by Wednesday ’cause I’m doing OneSpark after all. (Not as a creator, I’ll just be set up at Burrito Gallery with a table of prints outside and some original paintings hanging on the wall inside).

And hopefully, by then, I’ll have this newest painting finished too!

Here’s a screenshot of one of two shirts (both of which are adaptations of existing art of mine) that I designed for Rational Anthem’s next tour.

The author of this article is looking for quotes from people who have been inspired or helped in some way by my art. I have a ton of emails but I don’t want to share those without permission so if anyone wants to give a quote for this thing, send it to janetevelynharper@gmail.com

Smokin’ cigarettes and not wearing a shirt at Memorial Park.

And now that Mike Kelly is sketching me, my career as a topless model is really taking off.