Category Archives: Status Update

Photographs, Status Update

thrashBike 2.0 [in progress]

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My scooter was stolen a couple weeks back. As my sole means of transportation, it was pretty upsetting.

Luckily, I have some phenomenal people in my life who are way too good to me and now I’m hard at work tuning-up, cleaning, and painting another one. It’s spent the last nine months sitting in a garage and it looks like I’m gonna need to buy a new battery, but I was able to get it running today (without stalling out at all) so I’m pretty happy with it. It’s a slightly different model than my old one but still a 1986 Honda Spree, which means I can continue to take pride in my scooter being older than I am and what (little) I learned about my last one still applies.

I was in the process of fixing the last one when it was stolen, so the side panels were off at the time. So long as I still got ’em, I figure I’ll put them on this bike and smile about it.

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This is the right side panel. I painted it back when I still lived at Tranquil Shores.

The left side panel was already featured in an entry (on the day that I re-painted it with different colors), but what the hell…

scooter
Here’s the left panel (on my first scooter, before it was stolen).

 

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Here’s the new bike, sitting in my kitchen, directly behind my chair as I type this.

I’m not sure exactly how I’m gonna paint all the other (white and teal) parts, but I’m having fun with it already. It feels good to take care of something. To pick it apart and really clean it up. It’s nice.

So nice that I’m okay with this being my only post today. (!)

Commissioned, Photographs, Status Update, Thread

Original/custom cartoon T-shirts

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Greetings From Delray Beach shirt #1

Are you guys sick of this image yet? I sold my first custom cartoon shirt (which I made last night). I redrew “Greetings From Delray Beach” onto a pink t-shirt using (black, brown, yellow, red, green, and blue) fabric markers. It took me about three hours.

I'm a Fine Art Enthusiast, You Guys shirt #1

I posted a little thumbnail of this shirt at some point a week or so back (at the bottom of an unrelated post) but this was the first shirt that I made (sometime last month for a friend’s birthday). It’s a modified version of my “I’m a Fucking Artist, Guys” cartoon.

If you’d like either of these shirts (or one featuring any of my other artwork) they can be purchased through my webstore.

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Status update: I’m leaving town tonight to go to a wedding with Heather. A wedding at which I not only have to wear a shirt but a shirt with long sleeves and a collar. I thought I was going to have to buy one but I found this one that I had forgotten that I owned. I think the last time I wore it was eight years ago. I feel ridiculous.

wedding clothes

 

It’s gonna be a really weird weekend but I’m going to do my best to post new stuff on the website each day that’s a little more legitimate / interesting than today’s post. Bear with me! ; )

Artist Statements, Intentional, Outpatient, Status Update

Ready When You Are

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"Ready When You Are." 6/7/13. Oil pastel. 9½x12”.
“Ready When You Are.” 6/7/13. Oil pastel. 9½x12”.

It was Friday so I drove up to Tranquil Shores for my session with Tracy and my weekly expressive art group with the kids that were still inpatients. Earlier that week, I had found an apartment in Jacksonville. When I told Tracy, she was really surprised. (I had been talking about moving, but it was just a few days prior that I actually started looking for a place, so it all happened really quickly). “Seriously?” she asked me. “Well, let me get the papers for your discharge.”

Somehow that hadn’t occurred to me: that moving away would mean I’d be officially discharged from Tranquil Shores. My life was about to change and it was just now registering. It made me sad. It even made me a little angry, though I’m not sure with whom. (Probably myself). It was a really great afternoon; everyone at Tranquil Shores couldn’t have been sweeter to me or more supportive. But… I didn’t wanna leave. I didn’t want it to be over and I guess I was as caught off-guard as Tracy had been.

After my session, I went into the art room for group. I felt good overall, but had that little streak of darkness in me. I got an idea in my head of a sorta vulture and I liked it. I wanted to draw something that lived off dead flesh – something sustained by failure.

But still sorta comic and fun.

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(Especially relevant) status update: Heather’s friends are getting married in Englewood next weekend, so I won’t be too far from Tranquil Shores. On Friday, I’m going to drive up that way and meet up with a crew of kids I went to treatment with for lunch, and then I’m gonna go in for the expressive art group just like I used to. I’ve been really excited about it but am getting more nervous as it gets closer. It’s gonna be a totally new crop of kids. I’ll still know all the staff obviously, but it seems kinda strange to go to group with a bunch of patients I’ve never met before. I hope I don’t wimp out. I hope it goes well.

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Artist Statements, Expressive, Status Update, Uncategorized

Eat Gummy Worms and Smoke Crack With Someone Who Appreciates You

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"Eat Gummy Worms and Smoke Crack With Someone Who Appreciates You." 1/7/13. Pen. 8½x11.
“Eat Gummy Worms and Smoke Crack With Someone Who Appreciates You.” 1/7/13. Pen. 8½x11.

When I was in pre-school, my dad once asked my teacher, “Racey brings home art almost everyday – why doesn’t Sam ever bring anything home?”

“Because it doesn’t turn out the way he wants it to, so he crumples it up, throws it away, and then stares at the floor sulking until art time is over.”

Forget about art and pre-school – that’s kind of how I lived my entire life until recently.

I drew this one day in January back when I was still inpatient at Tranquil Shores. (It wasn’t an art group but I’m like – totally rebellious, you guys). It started out as a drawing for my friend Nick but – after I fucked it up – I let it become something else. (Pen isn’t a very forgiving medium). I’m glad that I have the capacity these days to accept my mistakes as normative. (They’re not really mistakes; they were supposed to happen). And this too works as an analogy for my life. I’ve fucked up plenty, even in this last year, but I accept all of it now. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

The caption is the same as the title: EAT GUMMY WORMS AND SMOKE CRACK WITH SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES YOU.

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Daily status update: My first Artwalk tonight went really well. Jacksonville may not be the ARTS CAPITAL of the world, but I’m really grateful that we’ve got something like this that happens every month. Looking forward to round two in November. (It’ll be just two days after my birthday)!

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Asides

Artist Statements, Expressive, Outpatient, Status Update

Powerless Over Flexeril

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"Powerless Over Flexeril." 3/15/13. Marker. 9x12".
“Powerless Over Flexeril.” 3/15/13. Marker. 9×12″.

I wrote a statement about this piece after I finished it:

Awoken by pain at 5 AM this morning, I was given a heating pad and a Flexeril (a drug which I have not been prescribed). Lying in bed, I started this drawing and continued until the pain subsided enough that I was able to get back to sleep. I finished later that afternoon on the ride back home from my outpatient group at Tranquil Shores.

In case you’re wondering, neither my integrity nor my recovery were at all compromised by my decision to ingest a Flexeril. If you think that’s at all questionable though, let me assure you that I am totally happy for you!

I only bring it up to clarify that this title is tongue-in-cheek.

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I’ve been insanely busy the last few days, getting all of my stuff ready for Artwalk in Jacksonville next week. I’m happy about it insofar as it’s put a fire under me and gotten me to work on editing my statements (since I’m putting printed copies in the sealed sleeves along with each print). I’m aiming to have around 50 different prints ready for sale so that means 50 statements. The less fun part is all of the tedious presentation stuff. Putting the prints in the sleeves, cutting thick backing board into the right size for each print, formatting the statements in Word to be the right size for each piece — stuff like that. It’s cool though; I’m going to feel really good about it when it’s all done. (Only four days left to go).

Status Update

Trailer for the movie I was in (online now)

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This is the first official trailer of sorts for No Real Than You Are. The video at the top of this page – that’s the one.

When people would ask about my character, I’d tell them I play this kid from Sarasota that built his life on stupid punk songs, doesn’t believe in anything, has abandonment issues, and shoots drugs. Which is all true (and was already the character’s bio long before I got involved with the movie).

I haven’t seen any more footage than what you’ll have seen when you watch the trailer, but I’d like to think that (despite my total lack of acting experience) my performance turned out pretty well. Being fully aware of what drives a character like this definitely made it a lot easier. Not that it was ever easy. I had a really tough time with it and I still feel the aftermath of the experience, most days.

That’s enough out of me. Go watch the trailer!

screenshot

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I wrote a little bit about my NRTYA experience in the entry for “Tola’s Approach to Demons.”

Current Journal, Status Update

Journal: September 25, 2013

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I feel sick to my stomach but the problem is all in my head. Funny how that works, huh?

I remember when I used to directly address with total transparency whatever was crushing my fucking soul. These days, I don’t have the guts. I can’t handle the consequences.

This strikes me as the kind of shit someone writes or says when they’re relapsing. I’m not, but this is probably also the kind of shit someone writes *just before* they relapse.

Luckily, I know myself well enough to know two things. 1) If there were drugs right here, I’d be fucked; but immediate and effortless accessibility is a prerequisite for me to fuck up in that way. 2) I’m a fucking basketcase, overly invested in the present moment. So while I might feel like I’m in crisis right now – realistically – I’ll paint a fucking picture, go to bed, and tomorrow I’ll be manically happy about some stupid pop punk song and be okay until the next time something brings my regularly simmering gloom, shit, and misery to its boiling point.

I’m gonna go play with some fucking watercolors.

I don’t like this version of me. I don’t like that I allow things to affect me in this way. There have been moments when I’ve shown more strength than I am right now. I hate that I’m talking like this again. And so shortly after acknowledging and writing about the last time I found myself here.

Countdown to the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and regret consequent to writing this entry… 5, 4…

I have friends that call me when they’re in a rough spot. I have a lot of friends that turn to me when they’re struggling. But I don’t turn to anyone. I turn to the fucking internet. I don’t have the courage they have. Why am I better at being a comfort to others than I am to myself?

This song just came up on shuffle.

An F.Y.P cover by Off With Their Heads.